my boyfriend, josh (the jew, our relationship apparently lasted less than two months) broke up with me on friday. so, i guess this is what it feels like to be the dumpee?

he gave me flowers on monday, and they weren't even wilting by the time he broke up with me. (now they are sort-of dead, but the lilies are still holding on. hardy flowers, lilies. wish i could say the same, i'm such a sap.) what a whoring whore who whores, my god!

i don't quite know how to describe this feeling. i'm not depressed, i certainly don't want to slit my wrists and die or anything.

perhaps the proper word is "apathy". it sounds nice enough, though there's something else there. i think it's ... unrelenting cynicism. more than anything, i just would like to laugh at everyone and their motives and their stupid little love songs. they really, really make me want to puke.

but i want to run, too. i want to run so far that i've (quite literally) put everything behind me, and can start completely over.

so much for apathy.